not much i can say

all i can actually say was ouch that hurt.... pinche juan

14- mystery

Look, it cannot be seen - it is beyond

form.

Listen, it cannot be heard - it is beyond

sound.

Grasp, it cannot be held - it is

intangible.

These three are indefinable;

Therefore they are joined in one.

From above it is not bright;

From below it is not dark:

An unbroken thread beyond

description.

It returns to nothingness.

The form of the formless,

The image of the imageless,

It is called indefinable and beyond

imagination.

Stand before it and there is no

beginning.

Follow it and there is no end.

Stay with the ancient Tao,

Move with the present.

Knowing the ancient beginning is the

essence of Tao.

the beautiful mess

The beautiful mess i've become, is like no other ever seen.

to spike and spring from every seam, what a wonderful thing it seems. A gash of red a dab of blue, no clue that i was watching you.

From far away, you observe me to, what a beautiful mess you slew. A touch a kiss, no love in sight. both fear a broken heart. so just keep watching me walk by. dont say a word, dont think anymore, it hurts to know that it could all break with a wrong move on the board, one wrong word. nothing works anymore.

Not your toy son. so put me down

Im no ones toy, but somehow i feel like i have just been played;

Like the dusty 64 in the corner of the living room.

I want to reach out and touch your hand, but in the end i get nothing.

air between my fingers and my own saliva on my lips- i eagerly wait like your puppy.

Im more obedient than you give me credit for love.

No where to be found is what i am looking for- i search in vain.

I know your tired, but sometimes i just wish that you would push a little further as i do

i try not to wear all my fealings like a mask, but lately its all i can do.

complaints left and right that i look upset, or worried, or flustered. im too "pissy"

so i just shut up and agree- i know they are right, even if thier wrong, thier always "right"

Wrong!

Im not a stupid kid,

im not your toy

Im not your punching bag

im invisible

People just shut the fuck up

i want you out of my head, i want to be alone again

lonliness was the best drug out thier.

It gets cold after a while

sometimes, fire burns

most times it soothes the frozen part of me

numb to tingly,

atleast i know i am alive.

yesterday never came

we were all ready,

the only thing left to buy was the influence.

u said you wouldnt do it but you did, you walked out.

i told you to leave, nd now im all alone.

I dont care, ginger will take care of me,

im loved by everyone,

but I think thats why you say no.

i could be wrong, nd its so hard to move on,

but i know in a couple of months, i will probably be fixed

and i will look back and laugh of what we've done.

We are just a bunch of stupid kids right?

Quiet hearts reminder...

i told you how i felt about everything thats been going on.

you tripped out and said i could be nothing more,

inside i tried to hold it back but eventually it came out. I followed you like a lost puppy (against my best of friend's advocacy)

you keep saying no, but your notions and words silently whisper yes.

its like your trapped under a layer of ice, i'm just the heat you need to defrost you from the seams, and make you melt away into my palm with ecstasy.

but everytime i bring them up, you grow another layer, i cant just get rid of them.

they are my new family, im not telling you to love them, but you cant just put them on the spot.

Make up your mind and scream your thoughts cuz your confusing me dear. I mean it.-- but you wont ever know im even here.